For students, families and schools
Bullying stops faster when someone says it out loud.
Plain guidance on how to spot bullying, what to do when it happens to you or someone near you, and who to contact for support. Nobody should have to handle it alone.
Recognize it
Bullying takes four main forms
Most people picture a shove in the hallway. Much of it is quieter than that, and a lot of it happens on a phone.
Verbal
- Name-calling and insults
- Mocking how someone looks, talks or dresses
- Threats, including "joking" ones
- Slurs about race, religion, disability, gender or sexuality
Social
- Leaving someone out on purpose
- Telling others not to be friends with them
- Spreading rumors
- Embarrassing someone in front of others
Physical
- Hitting, kicking, tripping or pushing
- Taking or breaking someone's things
- Blocking their way or cornering them
- Rude or threatening gestures
Online
- Hurtful posts, comments or group chats
- Sharing private photos or screenshots
- Fake accounts made to mock someone
- Pile-ons and repeated unwanted messages
When it may also be a civil rights issue
Every U.S. state has an anti-bullying law, and most schools are required to have a written policy. When bullying targets someone's race, color, national origin, sex, disability or religion, it can also count as harassment under federal civil rights law, and schools have added duties to respond. Look up your state's law.
Warning signs
What adults should watch for
Many kids never say it directly. Changes in mood, habits or routine are often the first sign.
A child who may be bullied
- Injuries they can't or won't explain
- Clothes, books, devices or other belongings lost or damaged
- Frequent headaches or stomachaches, or asking to stay home
- Skipping meals, or coming home very hungry
- Trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares
- Falling grades or not wanting to go to school
- Suddenly losing friends or avoiding group activities
- Seeming anxious after using their phone
- Talking about feeling worthless, or hurting themselves
A child who may be bullying others
- Getting into physical or verbal fights
- Spending time with friends who bully
- Growing more aggressive over time
- Frequent detentions or trips to the principal's office
- Extra money or new things they can't explain
- Blaming others and refusing responsibility
- Being very worried about status or popularity
If a child talks about suicide or self-harm, take it seriously and get help the same day. Call or text 988, or call 911 if they are in immediate danger.
What to do
Pick where you're standing
It's not your fault.
Nothing about you makes it okay for someone to treat you this way. Telling someone isn't snitching. It's how this gets fixed.
- Tell an adult you trustA parent, teacher, coach, counselor or relative. If the first person doesn't help, tell another one.
- Get away safelyWalk toward other people or a staff member. Stay with friends in places where it tends to happen, like the bus, lunch or the locker room.
- Keep a recordWrite down dates, places and what was said. Save screenshots of anything online. The log template below can help.
- Do something that feels goodSpend time with people who are kind to you, in a club, team or group outside school.
- Fighting backIt can get you hurt or in trouble, and it usually makes things worse.
You have more power than you think.
Bullying often stops within seconds when someone steps in. You don't have to confront anyone to help.
- Don't give it an audienceDon't laugh, film, share or join in. Walking away takes away what the person bullying wants.
- Give them a way outSomething simple works, like "Hey, Mr. Davis is looking for you" or "Come sit with us."
- Check in afterwardTell the person privately that what happened wasn't okay and that you're on their side.
- Tell an adultMost schools have a way to report anonymously. Online, use the app's report button.
- Getting physicalIf anyone is getting hurt, find an adult right away instead.
Listen first. Act second.
Your first reaction teaches your child whether it's safe to tell you next time. Stay calm, even if you're angry.
- Thank them for telling youLet them know it isn't their fault and that you'll work on it together.
- Get the facts downWhat happened, when, where, who was involved and who saw it. Save any messages or posts.
- Contact the school in writingEmail the teacher or principal so there's a dated record. Ask for the school's bullying policy and what the next steps and timeline are.
- Follow upIf nothing changes in a reasonable time, go to the principal, then the district. Keep copies of everything.
- Watch their wellbeingA counselor or pediatrician can help if your child seems withdrawn, anxious or depressed.
- Confronting the other familyIt tends to escalate things. Let the school handle contact.
Step in every time.
Students watch how adults react to small incidents. A quick, calm response sets the norm for the whole room.
- Stop it on the spotSeparate the students, stay calm and make sure everyone is safe. Get medical help if anyone is hurt.
- Talk to each student separatelyHear from the student targeted, the student who bullied and any witnesses one at a time.
- Document and reportWrite it up the same day and follow your school's reporting process.
- Follow up with everyoneCheck back with the targeted student over the following weeks. Support the student who bullied in changing their behavior too.
- Forced apologies and peer mediationPutting the two students face to face can make the targeted student feel worse and less safe.
Online and on phones
Save it before you block it
Online bullying follows kids home. Evidence disappears fast, so do these in order.
Don't reply
Responding usually adds fuel. Step away from the screen.
Screenshot everything
Capture the message, the username and the date and time. Save copies somewhere besides the phone.
Report it to the platform
Every major app has a report option. Reporting is anonymous on most of them.
Block the account
Now that you have the evidence, cut off contact.
Tell an adult
Show them what you saved. If it includes threats or sexual images of anyone under 18, they should contact the police.
If a nude or sexual image of someone under 18 has been shared, Take It Down from the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children can help remove it from many platforms without anyone having to send the image.
Incident log
Copy this into your notes app and fill it in each time something happens. A clear record makes schools take reports more seriously.
Date and time: Where it happened: What happened (exact words if you can): Who did it: Who saw it: Screenshots or evidence saved: Who I told, and when:
Get help
Free, confidential support
You don't need to be in crisis to reach out. These services are free and staffed by trained people.
Emergency services
Someone is hurt or in immediate danger.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
For anyone thinking about suicide or in emotional distress. 24/7. Chat online
Crisis Text Line
Text with a trained crisis counselor, any time. crisistextline.org
The Trevor Project
Support for LGBTQ+ young people, 24/7. thetrevorproject.org
Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline
For abuse at home or by an adult, or if you're not sure where to turn.
NCMEC CyberTipline
Report online exploitation or sextortion of a minor. Report online
Outside the United States? Find A Helpline lists free support services by country.
The federal government's guide to bullying, with state laws and policies.
Classroom toolkits, student activities and support for students with disabilities.
Research, app-by-app reporting guides and resources for parents and teachers.